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LOVE EPISTLE #9!
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By
Dr. Rev. Willy Nilly

Beloved! Faithful followers! Greetings! I'm back – that's right, Dr. Rev. Willy Nilly – is back in the saddle again! And in more ways than one! When you last heard from me, I was running my Willy Nilly Theological School in the beautiful town of Hogsqualor, Arkansas. So much has changed, my dearest followers – the Theological School has expanded...Yes! Glory! ...into a Dude Ranch! I am now the proud (yet humble) Dean and President of Willy Nilly's Theological School and Cattle Ranch! And I don't even know the first thing about cattle...so who says miracles don't happen today?

I have been so busy over these last few years, traveling to the far reaches of the earth (Rio De Janeiro, Las Vegas, The Bahamas - [Tour Videos & DVDs Available, $79.95 PPD]) scratching out my humble existence whilst I serve the great cause of faith upon our beautiful, beloved, nourishing planet earth! Oh, It's a hard and difficult life I must lead, but I lay it all at the feet of you, my generous and faithful supporters, who have made my tribulations bearable!

As you may remember, I was in court several times these last few years, first over that silly little matter of bigamy when I married Ms.Wanda Goodlysum without divorcing my almost-but-not-quite-ex-wife Norma Nowbroke Nilly. First the courts gave me such a hard time over this trivial accident, and then the Catholic Church refused to annul the marriage, giving for a reason that I had to be Catholic! Later, as you may remember, there was that little matter of mail fraud and driving while intoxicated (which was reduced to just driving while blind), both matters which were later overturned by my excellent attorney, Joey Splodinbaum of the Hollywood, California law firm of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga & McCormick. (Be sure to order my new DVD and video-testimony, Order #667, $45.99 PPD)

Well, enough of the history lesson, right?! You want to know what new paths of glory I'm walking in today, right?! As I mentioned, we've expanded the Theological School to include our new Dude Ranch. Students are put in our (co-ed) bunk houses, rustic places that help inspire the mind and soul to higher levels of anointing! Each morning, at the crack of dawn, my personal assistant, Dawn Williams, wakes up the students with a genuine wild-west bullwhip! After a quick breakfast of grits and beans, the students feed the cattle, slop our many pigs, move hay, harvest in our fields, and then around three they begin attending our theological classes in the Memorial Willy Nilly Prayer Chapel and Big Men’s Clothing Warehouse (open to the public 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.). (By the way, the basic tuition at our school is only $4900.00 per semester, so be sure to consider us when you are ready to get serious about your faith!)

My dear friend, Rev. Bilturd X. Twingun of the First Free Love Assembly of Pigdog, Arkansas, has invited me to speak at the 5th Annual Healing Power Seminar and Pig-Calling Contest, to be held next Saturday at the Pigdog, Arkansas fair grounds. I encourage you to attend, bring your family! and to come expecting a miracle! It's only through faith that we can climb ever higher on the ladder of the anointing, until we reach such heights of glory (Glory!) that only the angels themselves could put out their fingers to touch us! Do you doubt it? Well, don't! If it sounds miraculous, it's because it is! But also so easy! Just order my new CLIMBING THE ANOINTING LADDER TO SUCCESS seven tape series, available on cassette, 8-track, and long playing mono records! And only $39.99 PPD! The 3-tape VHS Video Demonstration Tape set is only $49.99 + $2.00 PPD with a $7.77 love donation, or order the DVD for $77.77! With the Video tape set (or DVD), you get an autographed genuine Ladder, made from 100% anointed balsa wood! It's free, and so useful for following through in keeping your faith strong! For a limited time only, we will include a FREE "Shareholder's Certificate of Heaven" signed by Dr. Rev. Willy Nilly himself! Yes, there are many mansions set aside for you in heaven...but you have to move fast if you want to get the best spots! WILLY NILLY HEAVENLY REAL ESTATE SERVICE can reserve for you your own choice locations! Ask for the Willy Nilly Real Estate Service brochure when requesting any of our many products – it's completely free with any $3.00 love-donation.

But now, beloved followers, Beloved Willy Nilly must warn you of the ravenous wolves among you who seek to turn you away from the tender teachings of Dr. Rev. Willy Nilly, your divinely appointed shepherd, and his PROVEN PROSPERITY PRODUCING PRODUCTS. Oh! How I have slaved night and day for you, so that you would know the true peace that comes from serving the faithful formula of faith as fulfilled by your familiar friend, Willy Nilly! Tears roll down my cheeks as I pray night and day for your personal prayer request! That we should be blessed together is (sincerely) my only hope on this earth! And yet...and yet... and yet it's so easy! Just send in your love-faith donation today! And nab a blessing! Or two! Or more! They’re going fast so don't delay! (Note: Please do not send donations smaller than $50.00 – we have faith only for SERIOUS blessedness!)

I hope I will see you at the Seminar! You haven't really lived until you've heard my good friend Rev. Bilturd's daughter Bessie give out her award-winning hog-call! The BBQ is well worth the drive, and plus I'll be there, taking your prayer requests and signing autographs. Discounts available for Senior Citizens and children under three months (but the child must request the discount themselves).