WILLY NILLY

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TAKING GOD LIBERALLY !
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By
Dr. Rev. Willy Nilly

In many of the fine churches I have had the privilege to preach in recently, I have often heard the phrase, "We take God literally here!"

Beloved, I am impressed with this. I know that God is literate, and so must be many of you who have bought my books, sending many onto the bestseller lists throughout this great land! For example, right now my big seller is "Right Behind," a wonderful, life-affirming book that has gone through 19 printings already! And I am negotiating to sell the rights for a TV-movie, too! This tremendous book about what happens when, in our lives, we feel like we are "behind," like behind a really big Winnebago on a highway and can't see the signs for restaurants, or "behind" in poker and... Ahem, I mean, behind somebody with a really big hat at church and so you can't see your favorite speaker (Willy Nilly!)

Doesn't this trouble you? All across the world, as I travel bringing my message of Love and Faith†™, I am astounded at the paths of literalness that hold people captive. For example, you want a ham sandwich, but you can't have one because you're literally too stuffed already from eating burgers and ice cream. You need to utilize some Love and Faith©™ to make more room for the goodness of the garden! To see how, be sure to order my Right Eating the Right Way DVD and VHS teaching set! (Also available on cassette and 8-track tapes!)

To just give you a taste of how my method works, and how you can partner with Love and Faith†™, let me just tell you of one of the fine features of my proven method. First, we get your waist (and wallet!) size. Then we use that number to compare to a numerology chart to compute your potential waist size doubled. Using our secret method, not only does your waist size double to allow in more Love and Faith†™, but so does your wallet! At the same time, you double your faith, because it's by faith you see and feel the results! So stand up and be counted, and let them make way for you at the buffet table of glory!

If you don't believe it, brothers & sistern, it's because of the weakness of your faith (or knees)! And I mean that literally!

Beloved, let's think about this. Now, there are literally thousands of literal-minded believers still out there who haven't come to a perfect partnership with Love and Faith†™. Let's open our bibles and study the matter. Just look at the bondage they are in!

Isaiah 41:14 Fear not, thou worm Jacob...

Now, they of course believe that Jacob was a worm. How can they not? That's what it says, literally! It's this sort of tradition-bound close-mindedness that makes me laugh, I mean makes me weep. And look at this!

Mark 9:47 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:
48 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.

Okay, somebody show me a worm that can live in hell-fire! Now, that'd be some kinda glowworm, wouldn't it! It's this sort've thing that frightens people and drives them away from the offering plate, I mean church doors all across this great land! It upsets people, and it doesn't help that they don't even like worms to begin with! And self-mutilation is dam.. I mean, darn hard to sell to anybody!

And this leads me to my final question of our time here together studying scripture so diligently and with meekness: Where's the love? Where's the willingness to shoulder the other guys bankroll, I mean burdens? That's literally our problem: Literalness!

Beloved, when life is cruel and you're broke and maybe a little grumpy, it seems like it's all for nothing and you'll never get a winning lottery ticket, that's when it's time to live your Love and Faith† Liberally!

Don't hold back, smell the bacon and open the doors of your heart and air out that loser's luck! See the vision of helping the helpless and maybe a new Cadillac in your driveway!

We here at Willy Nilly Ministries are waiting for you to break the grip of grumpy. We're by our phones, tears of gladness glistening on our cheeks waiting for your phone call. Your donation will prove you got a partnership with Love and Faith†™ and let in the sweet swines... I mean the sweet wine of Victory! Don't delay, act now!

To order from the fine selection of Willy Nilly cassettes, videos, dvds, memorial clocks, tee shirts, bean bags, ladders, banana peelers, etc., just call our toll free number
1-800-IMA-SUCKR.

webmaster@scchotsprings.com

HOME \| SSC HOT SPRINGS \| NEWS \| DEAR RABBY \| DOCTOR BRAIN \| WILLY NILLY \| LINKS\| CONTACT
	- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - TAKING GOD LIBERALLY ! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - By Dr. Rev. Willy Nilly In many of the fine churches I have had the privilege to preach in recently, I have often heard the phrase, "We take God literally here!" Beloved, I am impressed with this. I know that God is literate, and so must be many of you who have bought my books, sending many onto the bestseller lists throughout this great land! For example, right now my big seller is "Right Behind," a wonderful, life-affirming book that has gone through 19 printings already! And I am negotiating to sell the rights for a TV-movie, too! This tremendous book about what happens when, in our lives, we feel like we are "behind," like behind a really big Winnebago on a highway and can't see the signs for restaurants, or "behind" in poker and... Ahem, I mean, behind somebody with a really big hat at church and so you can't see your favorite speaker (Willy Nilly!) Doesn't this trouble you? All across the world, as I travel bringing my message of Love and Faith†™, I am astounded at the paths of literalness that hold people captive. For example, you want a ham sandwich, but you can't have one because you're literally too stuffed already from eating burgers and ice cream. You need to utilize some Love and Faith©™ to make more room for the goodness of the garden! To see how, be sure to order my Right Eating the Right Way DVD and VHS teaching set! (Also available on cassette and 8-track tapes!) To just give you a taste of how my method works, and how you can partner with Love and Faith†™, let me just tell you of one of the fine features of my proven method. First, we get your waist (and wallet!) size. Then we use that number to compare to a numerology chart to compute your potential waist size doubled. Using our secret method, not only does your waist size double to allow in more Love and Faith†™, but so does your wallet! At the same time, you double your faith, because it's by faith you see and feel the results! So stand up and be counted, and let them make way for you at the buffet table of glory! If you don't believe it, brothers & sistern, it's because of the weakness of your faith (or knees)! And I mean that literally! Beloved, let's think about this. Now, there are literally thousands of literal-minded believers still out there who haven't come to a perfect partnership with Love and Faith†™. Let's open our bibles and study the matter. Just look at the bondage they are in! Isaiah 41:14 Fear not, thou worm Jacob... Now, they of course believe that Jacob was a worm. How can they not? That's what it says, literally! It's this sort of tradition-bound close-mindedness that makes me laugh, I mean makes me weep. And look at this! Mark 9:47 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: 48 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. Okay, somebody show me a worm that can live in hell-fire! Now, that'd be some kinda glowworm, wouldn't it! It's this sort've thing that frightens people and drives them away from the offering plate, I mean church doors all across this great land! It upsets people, and it doesn't help that they don't even like worms to begin with! And self-mutilation is dam.. I mean, darn hard to sell to anybody! And this leads me to my final question of our time here together studying scripture so diligently and with meekness: Where's the love? Where's the willingness to shoulder the other guys bankroll, I mean burdens? That's literally our problem: Literalness! Beloved, when life is cruel and you're broke and maybe a little grumpy, it seems like it's all for nothing and you'll never get a winning lottery ticket, that's when it's time to live your Love and Faith† Liberally! Don't hold back, smell the bacon and open the doors of your heart and air out that loser's luck! See the vision of helping the helpless and maybe a new Cadillac in your driveway! We here at Willy Nilly Ministries are waiting for you to break the grip of grumpy. We're by our phones, tears of gladness glistening on our cheeks waiting for your phone call. Your donation will prove you got a partnership with Love and Faith†™ and let in the sweet swines... I mean the sweet wine of Victory! Don't delay, act now! To order from the fine selection of Willy Nilly cassettes, videos, dvds, memorial clocks, tee shirts, bean bags, ladders, banana peelers, etc., just call our toll free number 1-800-IMA-SUCKR.
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